just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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