apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
