I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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