He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
