dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
