If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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