16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
