possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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