I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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