Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
