You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
