Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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