So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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