Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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