We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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