he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
