Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
