Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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