don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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