Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
