capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
