he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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