I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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