He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
