My liver just broke up with me...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize