I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
