Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
