just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
