Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
