I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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