He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
