Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
the raccoons are back...
Randomize