i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
