omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
