I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize