respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
