You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
