we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You are a genius and a whore.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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