Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
