My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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