I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize