I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
