What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
