In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
