I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you never un-have a 4some
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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