Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
