I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
