so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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