Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
