Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
