I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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