I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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