dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
