Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
and you fell through a lawn chair
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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