Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
