Old men and throwing up are my life now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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