Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
barbara walters just said penis...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
