My room smells like vodka and shame
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
