Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
