My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
