i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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