I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
