He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
