you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is the high leading the old right now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
