my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
