i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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