Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
