i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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