Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
