did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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