I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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